Instant Mythology
Yeah sure I remember that time last week
We all got drunk and took a cab home
But I don’t remember any fight with Pete
He might've tripped while Zack was talking him down
Now I know that story’s no fun to tell
It’s no roundhouse kick in Petey’s grill
But I think I’d recall an atomic wedgie
I’d sure be walking kinda funny
Chorus
What’s with these Instant Mythologies
Your talk just skips the reality
I know it’s tough to keep your stories straight
But you can shut your mouth till you’ve got something to say
Yeah sure I remember that game last week
Made a nice catch, beat’em by two runs
But I don’t remember ever seeing
Paul snag a ball with go-go gadget arms
Now I know that kills the yarn you’re spinnin’
Making our pal Paul a softball legend
But I think I’d recall a monster hit you swear
Crashed upper decks that aren’t even there
Bridge
Yeah, you think about that
Why you always making up this crap?
Yeah, next time you wanna do the same
Let someone else get a word in for a change
Yeah sure I remember that gig last week
It went alright, it was a good crowd
But I don’t remember any ladies
Chucking underwear at our drummer Starr
Now I know that story’s a little weak
It’d be fun to see if he could keep a beat
But I think I’d remember if Heidi Klum
Went commando anywhere in the room
GS-12
Oh I wish I were a soldier, I’d be all that I can
Or get wrapped in a flag ’round my body bag, either way I’m still the man
I could fly a big jet fighter, or I’d pimp out my new tank
And get away from this desk yeah I’d be the best, and you’d all know who to thank
Chorus
Oh why, can’t I have a song to praise my name
Is it too much to ask for giving just more of the same?
Oh I wish I were a cop you know, those guys are pretty cool
I’d chase down thieves, stop some robberies, while I’m breaking all the rules
I would be the grizzled veteran, there’s my rookie partner Jane
We’d solve some crimes and save some lives, plus I love those chocolate glazed
Oh I wish I were a doctor, I’d cure every disease
Then have some fun in the on-call room like they do on the TV
I could be a firefighter, or a secret agent man
But I have to write a memo, it’s due by 5PM
Jimmy
Jimmy left a bar last night and he howled at the moon
Well he wasn’t quite the monster yet but his breath sure stank of booze
Then his girl came up behind him, cried “They’re all just telling lies”
But he said “Too late to matter now, you better run you better hide”
And his eyes turned black as coal and his teeth grew out
Yeah he was right there just was never any time to shout
Well you can say whatever you want about me my friend
But I don’t think no one will ever mess with Jimmy again
Jimmy left the house that night with two bite marks on his neck
Well it wasn’t quite the morning yet, but he sure felt like a wreck
Then his girl came up behind him, she asked “How you feeling now?”
And he said “I’ve got a nasty thirst, girl you better show me how.”
And her eyes turned black as coal and her teeth grew out
Then they just ripped and sliced their way through that poor little town
Yeah you can say whatever you want about me my friend
But I don’t think no one will ever mess with Jimmy again
Well the funny thing about Jimmy is he’s such a stand-up guy
If you ever need a favor he won’t need a reason why
But he’s still just a man and there are things that’re bigger than Jim
And the beasts that got a hold of him don’t care about his sin
Jimmy left the town that night and he saw some flashing lights
He looked up to see a silver disc holding him within its sights
He looked elsewhere in the sky and yelled “You’re fucking kidding me!”
But the disc kept real quiet, went to work on poor Jimmy
Then his eyes turned black as coal, and his claws came out
And the whole damn world can’t do nothing but just scream and shout
Well you can say whatever you want about me my friend
But you don’t mess with a man who once went by the name of Jim
No you don’t mess with a guy who used to be my pal Jim
Love on Paper
She won’t like my favorite music, and she’ll hate the clothes I wear
She’ll want to paint my walls, and make me grow out my short hair
She’ll be a vegetarian, and won’t set foot in an Arby’s
Yeah she’ll be a total bitch, and take what’s left of my money
Chorus
No she won’t be nothing like you, and that’ll be a real shame
And when we are together she’ll call me some other dude’s name
But even with all that I’ll prob’ly love her just the same
So tell me what good’s love on paper anyway
Well she’ll smoke so much that Camel Cash pays off her tuition
And she’ll drink like Prohibition starts back up in the morning
She’ll throw away my comic books, and she won’t own a TV
Yeah she’ll really suck a foosball, and she’ll stand up when she pees
Bridge
Oh you were the sweetest thing that I have met in my whole life
And if I had some sense I’d sure as hell make you my wife
But I guess I’d rather let this girl drive me nuts every night
It just ain’t fair
She’ll be vaguely anti-Semitic, and kick hobos just for thrills
She’ll replace her mother’s medicine with morning after pills
She’ll sell crack to second graders, and show them her porn movies
She’ll run guns for the Yakuza – no I don’t know what that means
Oooooooooh
Heartland
I don’t know you but you think that you know me
I’m from one of the Devil’s incubators, yeah a Northeastern city
That must mean that I hate Jesus, chances are I’m high right now
And I want to steal your guns and hand out lame-ass little flowers
I don’t know you but you think that you know me
I’ll make you drive a moped, and I’ll trash your SUV
I want an all-gay military, you know they’ll protect your ass
Then I’ll stop hating the troops, get back to burning me some flags
Oh I can’t wait to take your money and buy more useless bureaucrats
And next year I’ll campaign for Bin Laden when he runs as a Democrat
Let’s marry my pal Steve and his box turtle right here in city hall
There are so many ways that I’ll screw you, yeah I can’t wait to do them all
Chorus
Well some things you say are kinda true and some is total shit
But don’t you try to tell me what I think, ’cause you’re a fucking hypocrite
I’m sorry I’m not from your Sanctimoniassville, USA
But I hear the folks there think you’re a big tool anyway,
Yeah yeah yeah
I don’t know you, but you’re coming up to speed
I’ve got a shrine to Marx and Lenin, and just wear my Grateful Dead tees
I’ve got Birkenstocks like Jesus, ain’t washed my hair in a year
And yeah I read the New York Times, and snack on babies with my beer
Oh I can’t wait to take your money and buy more useless bureaucrats
And next year I’ll campaign for Bin Laden when he runs as a Democrat
Let’s marry my pal Steve and his box turtle right here in city hall
There are so many ways that I’ll screw you, yeah I can’t wait to do them all
I don’t know you but you think that you know me
I’m from one of the Devil’s incubators, yeah a Northeastern city
That must mean that I hate Jesus, chances are I’m high right now
And I want to steal your guns and hand out lame-ass little flowers
Oh I can’t wait to take your money and buy a big ol’ welfare state
And I’ll let you see a doctor, but they’ll all be second rate
I’m gonna blame the corporations for my ice cream headache last fall
There are so many ways that I’ll screw you, yeah I can’t wait to do them all
Pistols at Dawn
You’ve got a lot of nerve to show your face in this here town
You’re brother was no good you know I had to put him down
But if you want to test me well I’ve got bullets to spare
I never miss and never flinch I always come prepared
Now waitasecond sheriff have you finally lost your mind
Did you listen to my brother before you cut him down to size
He never hurt a soul no he’s a legit businessman
You say another word you know I’ll drop you where you stand
Chorus
Oh they’ll be pistols at dawn
Before too long
Oh they’ll be pistols at dawn
Alright
Yeah there’s no use running now
Don’t want to anyhow
Well you’d better say your prayers
tonight
I’ve gathered all the evidence, and matched his DNA
I’ve talked to all the witnesses, they had plenty to say
He steals cars, he cheats, he sells his daughter ’round the town
He shot at my lieutenant, no I had to put him down
Well who you think you are to put a man’s life in your hands?
Do you feel like a big man when his heart beat finally ends?
You say you’ve got the evidence, well that I’d like to see
Did I mention he’s a twin, oh yeah you got the wrong ID
Voiceover: 1 pace, 2, 3, 4, 5 paces, 6, 7, 8 … 9 … 10
Drums sound 2 shots
So you got a lucky shot in, and I know I’m gonna die
But here’s the funny thing, it turns out fingerprints don’t lie
I got me the right brother, and an extra one for free
Cause no one likes a cop-killer, good luck running from me
There were pistols at dawn, and now they’re gone,
Yeah he knew that he did wrong, tonight.
Well there’s no use running now, don’t want to anyhow,
But he ain’t going without, a fight.
Figjam
Oh that’s just my car, it’s brand new, not a scratch
Yeah it’s got GPS, an iPod dock, leather seats
Oh that’s my girlfriend, that you see on, the magazines
She’s getting kind of old, turns 25, in two weeks
Well I’m sure that thing you drive around is fine
And I’m not saying your girl’s a total waste of time
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
Oh that’s just my home, penthouse suite, what a view
And there’s my new hot tub, plasma screen, it’s the best
Oh that’s just my job, closed a big, deal at noon
My corner office is small, still it’s better, than the rest
Well your apartment seems quite cozy
And your TV’s great, it’s real old school
So you’re assistant night managing a Denny’s
I hear that promotion is coming soon
Chorus
Well I can’t help it if I’m rich, and had a trust fund since I was 2
Yeah life’s not fair, but it’s good to me
And I can’t help it if I handsome, that’s what good breeding will do
Yeah life’s not fair, but it’s good to me
And I can’t help it if I’m smart enough, to ignore your point of view
Yeah life’s not fair, but it’s good to me
Well I guess all that I’m saying, if you still need a clue
Is that it suuuuuuuuuuuucks, to be you
Oh that’s my friend’s club, it’s the hottest place in town
I’d let you in the door, but you better change that shirt
Check my lacrosse jersey, we’re still the coolest guys around
So is your T-ball league, going pro anytime soon?
Well I’m sure your friends’ regular bar is fine
You don’t have to change your JC Penney jeans
Sorry I can’t stay and watch the game at 5
My tee time with the CEO’s at 3
Oh my old college days, I miss hazing a new pledge
Was great to see dad’s name on top of all those old buildings
I know she came with you, but you had lots of chances
Maybe next time you’ll see you’ve got no chance of winning
Well I’m sure your little state school was fine
They’ve got auto repair, and some basketweaving
And I’m sure she was gonna leave you in time
No need for thanks, you don’t owe me a thing
Drag Race
You stop me
Speak softly
“Is it worth it
To lose me
Confuse me
Abuse me
For this pissing contest
Can’t you see”
Oh but girl you can’t know
Why I need this
Girl you just don’t
Understand
Chorus
I’ve been living my whole life scared to be
The kind of guy you really want to see
So if that means I gotta risk it all, I’ll risk it
All this time
I can’t keep playing the odds so carefully
And believe you’ll still want to be there for me
So if that means I gotta risk it all, I’ll put it
On the line
“You’re joking
Or smoking
There’s no honor
In dying
Or lying
Or trying
To sate your ego
With this thing”
“You’ve lost me
Just tossed me
You win or lose
I’m leaving
Yeah you changed
Not the same
One that I fell for
You’re crazy”
Taxi Ride
It was cold, it was dark, it was really really dark
And the rain kept pouring down
Had my thumb in the air, but there was nobody there
And I hoped someone could see that I was in a real need
Oh then two lights pierced the fog, and it wasn’t very long
Till the cab pulled up the curb
My angel wore a cap, and he smelled like smoke and gas
But I took what I could get and hoped that I wouldn’t regret the coming ride
Taxi Ride
Well his voice, it was soft, I could barely make it out
But some things were on his mind
His sister was a mooch, she was good for nothing too
She just watched her soaps all day and no she never ever paid the
Rent she owed, she was fat, she was really really fat
These are his words, they’re not mine!
She should go back to school, learn to type a word or two
And she’d make a husband happy if she wasn’t so darn cranky all the time
Taxi Ride
Then his phone, it went off, and he had to take the call
From his friend’s hospital bed
I only caught one side, but was quick to realize
That his pal wasn’t improving, so they’d have to cut him open
My angel, he hung up, looked like he was out of luck
Choked back tear wells in his eyes
I wondered what to do, maybe up my tip a few
Then I thought what if this is a scam, he sure doesn’t seem like that kind of man
Oh…
So many lonely drivers, alone with someone in a cab
Why do they tell you all their secrets, you’re the only one they have
They spend all their nights with strangers, trying to make their next fare
They only know where you're going, but they don’t care
Finally, far away, my home cut through fog and rain
And not a moment too soon
My driver lost his tongue, started humming a strange song
Made me want to crack open the door and get away before I
Don’t know what, but too late, it was time to meet my fate
I just asked how much I owed
He told me, none today, I was right to get away
Then he drove off past the horizon, no he was never to be seen again.
Envy of the State
You’ve got your mountain majesties
You’ve got your waves of grain
I’m just a concrete diamond
My mayor smoked crack cocaine
Yeah you’ve got your Senators and Reps makin’ deals in rooms of smoke
I’ve just got something called a Delegate, and they won’t even let her vote
Chorus
Guess I’ll always be
In the state of envy
Even if you’d rather see
Me than Rhode Island
You’ve got those giant skyscrapers
And the back of my quarter
No I don’t got no Governors
Don’t got 49 sisters
Well sure Duke Ellington and Dave Chappelle, oh they like to call me home
But few will say they’re from me, oh they better stick with Idaho
Bridge
Well I guess I’ve got all of these monuments and museums to see
And I don’t got my own constitution, but the big one’s on 7th Street
So you can go ahead if you want, call me a Shining City on the Hill
But I’m stuck inside the Beltway, oh can you say you love me still?
You keep your mountain majesties
You keep your waves of grain
I've got my Anacostia
Get my drink on in Adam's Morgan
Well sure Georgetown could use a metro stop, and my Chinatown's 2 blocks long
And U Street's now less sketchy than H, but it still ain't no Dupont
Gone
Gone, I’m gone, so long
You won’t see me
At all, at all
I’ve packed, my things, and I’m
Not coming back
At all, at all
I’m not wasting any more time fighting wars I can’t win
When I’ve got nothing left to lose
And I wish you all of the best, you’ll be fine without me
Yeah it’s trite but it’s true
Gone, you’re gone, even
Those pictures fade
Inside my mind
Gone, I’m gone, and so
These last five years
Are left behind
I’m not wasting any more time fighting wars I can’t win
When I’ve got nothing left to lose
And I wish you all of the best, you’ll be fine without me
Yeah it’s trite but it’s true
I’m on a bullet train
I’m heading west
There’s nothing here for me
Except some regrets
Does that make sense?
I’ll get a new routine
I’ll hit the gym
Might even change my name
Cause that’s the mood I’m in
Yeah that’s how I’m feeling
You hear what I’m saying?
Gone, I’m gone, so long
You won’t see me
At all, at all
Letter (Let Her [mojo filter])
I've been looking for something that
Feels like
And I've been hoping that I could find it here
I've been walking 'round oblivious
But ignorance is no balm for fear
And I've been thinking that you don't want me near
You've known nothing but the time you spent alone
All on your own, oh baby please
Before you reach top speed
Or is that just the way we bleed
Chorus
Oh let her
As we watched them fall around us like a wall of paper in the rain
Don't ever
Think about me like you did today
And watch it slip away
I've lost track and it's all too late
To see what once lived firmly inside your head
It's a mojo filter
A little bit off-kilter
I think I might just tilt her in the wrong direction
Oh, baby, in the wrong direction
Chorus
Suggested Donation
Do you wish to become a life member?
You saw the light, you heard the ring
But you had other things to do
overlaps with
Showed up for work at 8, got a cup of coffee
Sat down in the same place, what is this all doing to me
Chorus
Well I guess I could call but what’s the point
No good way this ends up
And when she answers I think ’bout changing my voice
Sure it’s crazy but why wouldn’t she just hang up
Do you wish to make me feel like I'm someone?
You may recall I called you once
Last November
The months they seem to run together
It might have been December
overlaps with
Got a lot on my mind, wish I could say the truth
If you just gave the time, so much that I want to tell you
Chorus
Bridge
Do you wish to make me feel like I'm someone?
Do you wish to make a gift of five dollars?
Chorus
So now I have to say these lines again
Here’s some information
Just a small gift can make a difference
Donate now or just stay on the line and listen
Now or Never
So now I’m in a line
There’s no way he remembers me
I covered all my tracks
There was nothing for him to see
So now I’m in a line, with all these other guys
This must be pretty frustrating
Your money is all gone, you’re thinking this is wrong
And you just can’t tell who’s lying
So now you’re in my car
With a rope around your hands and knees
You could kick the window out
Or try the knife in your left sleeve
So now you’re in my car, we won’t go very far
This must be pretty frustrating
You had me all along, you wonder what went wrong
And you can’t tell what I’m thinking
Chorus
This might be your last chance, but you just can’t, seem to get it right when it counts
Your life’s on the line, you say it’s fine but you know better, you know you’re lying to yourself
Time to raise your hand, to be a man, to shake away all those little doubts
Your life’s on the line, this is no time for second guessing but guess wrong and I’ll see you in hell
So now you’re in a bank
With armor from your head to feet
The counter’s ticking down
And now it’s either red or green
So now you’re in a bank, it’s too late to look back
This must be pretty frustrating
Your target is long gone, you wonder what went wrong
And you can’t tell what I’m thinking
Chorus
We Were a Good Idea
It seemed like such a good idea
We always made so much sense
But there was just a small problem
To you we'd always be just friends
Ooooo Aaaaah, Ooooo Aaaaah
I’ve seen you lead on other guys
But what we have’s just not the same
Least that’s what I’m tellin’ myself
Might be the thing keepin’ me sane
Ooooo Aaaaah, Ooooo Aaaaah
Chorus
It should be so damn obvious
When you think of the two of us
Can you be that oblivious
Is there really no hope for us
When you see me with someone else
What might’ve been won’t make much sense
That moment will have come and gone
Looks like we’ll always be just friends
Ooooo Aaaaah, Ooooo Aaaaah
Chorus
We would show them all
But you still hold the cards
Wastin’ time alone
Last Choice
It's been a long time since you've been on my mind
Oh I've been out on the West Coast making friends that you don't know
I'm taking some classes, yeah I might get my Masters
And I'm working long hours, had no time to think about you now
Not, that I, don’t care, to hear your voice
I just, had to, make one last choice
Chorus
It’s okay we’re through
We did what we had to do
Now what should I make of you
It's been a long time since I've been on your mind
Oh you've been out of the country finding what you wanna be
You’re starting to write again, and taking some dance lessons
And working late hours, had no time to think about me now
Not, that you, don’t care, to hear my voice
You just, had to, make one last choice
Chorus
It’s not, that I, don’t care, to hear your voice
I just, had to, make one last choice
Chorus
#17
I don’t wanna go
I don’t wanna go outside
I don’t wanna go
I don’t wanna go outside
You have no dog in this fight
It’s 68 degrees outside
What, what gives you, gives you the right
It’s only us, you’ll be just fine
You should really know
It’s not easy to change my mind… today
The storm has washed away the haze
Just take it all and go
And tell everyone else that I’m… okay
There’s one more thing I have to say
I’ve, I’ve got all I need right here, maybe tomorrow this’ll all be clear
You can’t live like this one more day
Pull down the shades and lock up the doors tight
Pull down the shades and lock up all the doors tight
And kill all the phones till you hear me say I’m alright and
Kill all the phones till I say I’m alright
Pull down the shades and lock up all the doors tight
And kill all the phones till you hear me say I’m alright
I’m feeling pretty old
To let myself turn out like this… today
It’s only us, should be okay
Should come in from the cold
But till I can’t say I’m pissed… don’t stay
There’s one more thing I have to say
You, you can’t know just how I feel, maybe tomorrow this won’t be so real
You can’t live like this one more day
The Common Man
You must’ve seen it on the news
How could he call her that name
Do you even care if it’s true?
Or you just want someone to blame
It’s every few years
We say that we’ve changed
We latch onto fears
We play the same games, Doesn’t matter
What they will say
You’ve made up your mind
You know what you’ll do
You’ve bought the big lie
Tell me how
This all ends
Should I trust
The common man
Tell me how
This all ends
So I can
Sleep well again
