She won’t like my favorite music, and she’ll hate the clothes I wear
She’ll want to paint my walls, and make me grow out my short hair
She’ll be a vegetarian, and won’t set foot in an Arby’s
Yeah she’ll be a total bitch, and take what’s left of my money

Chorus

No she won’t be nothing like you, and that’ll be a real shame
And when we are together she’ll call me some other dude’s name
But even with all that I’ll prob’ly love her just the same
So tell me what good’s love on paper anyway


Well she’ll smoke so much that Camel Cash pays off her tuition
And she’ll drink like Prohibition starts back up in the morning
She’ll throw away my comic books, and she won’t own a TV
Yeah she’ll really suck a foosball, and she’ll stand up when she pees

Bridge

Oh you were the sweetest thing that I have met in my whole life
And if I had some sense I’d sure as hell make you my wife
But I guess I’d rather let this girl drive me nuts every night
It just ain’t fair

She’ll be vaguely anti-Semitic, and kick hobos just for thrills
She’ll replace her mother’s medicine with morning after pills
She’ll sell crack to second graders, and show them her porn movies
She’ll run guns for the Yakuza – no I don’t know what that means

Oooooooooh